It was two days before my birthday and full moon in Libra, when I suddenly felt, the energy around my recent connection was shifting. I was no longer going to accommodate my person’s sloppiness in communicating with me, lack of consideration, bunch of excuses, no matter how valid the reasons were. There is a difference between the urgency of the situation and how you are letting a person in your life know, that the ‘sky is falling’ indeed. We all have lives to live, pressures to respond to, hopes and dreams, and if you start feeling you continuously are lowering your standards, distort your truths, to accommodate your person, to the point of feeling like you don’t matter, meeting your needs is not important; it’s an indication that things are out of balance, and all hell will break loose.
Notice, that I said: ‘suddenly’, at the beginning of the previous paragraph, because it came to my own surprise that this time around, I was no longer going to be nice, to bow, to understand, to make myself into a pretzel in order to get little bit of love, little bit of attention, and finally I won’t deny to myself that I matter. I don’t want nice words with empty promises. In fact, it was not sudden at all. It was a slow and steady process in declining my own joy in simple acts of pleasures of sensual touch or a kiss, a cuddle, seeing you smile or laugh. All these are healthy expectations that come with arrival of a normal relationship, but your own guarded nature would not allow you to take any of those risks, hiding yourself in the world of ideas.
Instead, I was put through some odd tests that I had to prove my worthiness by agreeing to read some books, as if reading and getting information was going to make me understand how to live a life, as if I had no compass of my own, no directions in life . How utterly insane and insulting this idea was, it’s beyond my own belief.
On the flip side of the coin, my person appeared a perfect mirror of myself, as if we lived parallel lives until this moment in time, despite being born on different continents, and being thirteen years apart, we both embraced creativity in life, we both lived in many different places in the world, we both were insanely in love with Michael Jackson and we both loved colour blue. We were drawn to each other despite big age gap.
My person was highly creative soul, gifted musically, and in visual arts, and probably much more. I said he was, in past tense, because although he is now all these things, we together, belong to the past. I am a sucker for creative and sensitive souls, but highly sensitive souls can have deep wounds that prevent them from moving forward in life, until they heal, until we all heal. Nothing is coincidence, every meeting is a holy encounter and once you are exposed to each other, you will carry a part of that person within you.
So, it was exactly about a month ago, when I felt I was internally pressured to look within and examine this connection, and look at things that appeared out of balance. I have observed that imbalance, and was acutely aware of it and patient with my person, but this time my soul was no longer going to be accommodating other’s lack of accountability. It was the harvest time, the Full Moon in Libra.
Full moon represents full cycle, a completion, you will reap what you sow concept. Libra represents balance. This planet will introduce balance in our lives. Of course, I didn’t know at the time about moon cycle or astrological event, but I did feel this pressure within myself, that demanded from me to align myself with my higher self, to look within and start making changes. I was guided to stop energizing this connection, accepting half sentences in texts to me, cryptic messages for me to figure out, last minute cancellations with no explanations. Finally, I refused to communicate through texting and voice messages. A phone was invented for a reason, people dial each other numbers and talk to reach other when communicating something important that impacts our lives.
I asked for real communication, and I was willing to let go off this connection if my person wasn’t going to acknowledge the root of the problem. That was the message from my Higher Self, and to start aligning myself with my True Higher Holy Self, there was no more negotiations, no pleading and no room for any drama. I did listen to that wise being. I released this situation, I offered all my wounds on the altar for Holy Spirit to heal.
Releasing the situation that no longer is serving us is such important act, yet not that simple and requires patience on our part. It takes willingness to bring back joy and peace into our lives. To unburden ourselves, so we can breathe fully again. This blog, this space allowed me this simple act, to release my frustrations in writing, and it also reminded me of the exhibition I once visited many years ago, housed at the Glenbow Museum in Calgary titled ‘Release”.
“Release” exhibition was a unique installation of the burden baskets and containers from various Indigenous cultures, selected from Glenbow’s ethnology collection. The baskets came from different parts of the world, such as: Peru, Brazil, United States, Columbia and Canada. The “burden baskets” were used for all sort of functions in the history, but mainly to carry heavy things – wood, water, food or babies.
“Release” exhibition was an attempt to look at the nature of the burden from a physical point of view as well as metaphoric presence and then letting it go. Sophia Isajiw, an artist involved in this installation has researched the history of the baskets, collected them and displayed for public viewing.
In doing so, she attempted to disclose the old tradition of releasing a burden, practised by indigenous cultures and hoped modern society could learn something valuable from it.
In number of readings about traditional burden baskets, Isajiw learnt, these containers were constructed to carry as much of a burden as the bearer could handle, leaving hands free to pick up berries and other necessities. In her artist’s statement, Isajiw says: “through them (the baskets), I hoped to set up a certain vibration for the transformation I wanted to achieve within the work: a gesture of releasing the weight and acknowledging the gift in every burden. This is the dual nature of burdens.”
The dual nature of burdens caught my attention here, to acknowledge that each burden we carry has a gift. I know that the gift I received from my last connection is to reconnect with my creativity, reminding me I am an artist, and I must create in life in order to thrive, among other gifts.
I invite my readers to reflect on your own burdens, think about the weight you carry in the present moment. How heavy is the load you carry? Feel free to release your burden in the comment below, or you can unburden yourself symbolically by picking your chosen burden basket presented here, and start releasing the burden mentally. I will be revealing the message to you in my next blog by drawing a Tarot card for each basket. Follow my blog for future writing on similar topic.
To be continued…